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Saturday, August 01, 2009

No One Else




its 4.18am. for once im not tired.
this is weird.
i never thought itd be so hard.
i feel like crying.
its hard not to, but im holding it in..(:






i stood at the highest point of my home.
the cool night air was battering at my face.
i looked out towards the city.
bright, bright lights.
holding up the ring to my eye level, i looked at the cramped up buildings of Singapore through the ring.
where should i throw it?
i thought to myself.

i looked back towards Zack and David.
what if the ring hits someone?
i said out loud. but deep inside, i knew it was an excuse. i didnt want to throw the ring away.
i never knew it was so hard. why couldnt i just let go of the damn ring? a few minutes ago i just dumped winnie's old letters down the rubbish chute. why was this so hard?

where is Great World City?
Zack asked me.
uhm. if tiong bahru is there.. then great world city should be about there.
i said as i pointed in the right direction
throw it towards there.
Zack told me.
why?
enquired a very confused me.
that was where you had your first date. wasn't it?
Zack replied
i didn't reply.

David walked up beside me, bag of chips in hand.
Want some?
he asked with a smile on his face
i smiled as i refused the kind gesture.
looking out towards the direction of GWC
Zack. David.
i spoke out loud as i turned around to make sure Zack was looking.
watch.

As i raised my hand to toss the ring. It wouldnt budge. my movement ceased as my hand stretched out to prepare for the throw.
Scream. if you have to. let it out.
the voice of Zack called out to me from behind.
after a few moments of hesitation, i let loose my hand to throw the ring.
only to find that my clenched fist which contained the ring refused to open, even after i released my arm to toss the darn thing.
i stood there. thinking. this was harder than i thought.

then, i bowed my head and prayed

Dear Lord, as i let go of this ring, i leave everything to You. i let go of the past.
may You walk beside me and guide me as i start this new life. and forget the past. Amen.

with that. i looked up. my fist was clenched.
i readied my hand for a long and powerful throw
im sure i wont scream. whats the point?
i thought in my head.

with a dash of bravery and hope
and an unexpected loud shout
i let loose the ring from my hand.
just as i let go of this past of mine, turn over a new leaf, and live life properly.
my final burden has been unloaded.
get out of my head, winnie

I am over you.

Blogged @ 1:18 PM
Don't let me go -